


The Gryffindor Gambit

by McKay



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Harry Potter - Freeform, M/M, Slash, snape/lupin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-27
Updated: 2009-11-27
Packaged: 2017-10-03 20:21:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKay/pseuds/McKay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years after the war - and his divorce - Remus thinks he's found love once more; Severus decides it's up to him to keep Remus from making another stupid mistake, and he'll do so by any means necessary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Gryffindor Gambit

**Author's Note:**

> Not DH compliant. Written for Snupin Santa 2008.

"You must be joking."

Severus stared across the table at Remus, who sat there and drank his tea placidly as if he hadn't just uttered something so preposterous that Severus' brain had shut down and refused to accept he'd heard correctly.

"Not at all." Remus gazed over the rim of his cup at Severus, his expression calm. "Ever since Charlie transferred to the reserve in Wales to be closer to his family, we've been seeing each other. It was purely platonic at first, but lately..." He smiled in a way that made Severus want to hex him. "Lately, things have taken a decidedly un-platonic turn."

Severus pushed his plate of biscuits aside, not knowing whether he wanted to scream or vomit. "You and Charlie Weasley." He managed to turn the name into a multi-syllabic sneer. "At least you've got the right gender this time."

Everyone except Severus had been surprised when Remus and Tonks divorced following the end of the war just over two years ago, because apparently, no one except Severus had known or even suspected that Remus was as gay as a picnic basket. He suspected it was because no one had known or even suspected that he and Remus had once kissed. It had happened years ago at a fancy dress Christmas party thrown by the Blacks. Remus had been invited by Sirius-damned-Black, and Severus had been invited by Regulus. They had met, masked and costumed, under a secluded sprig of mistletoe, and while Remus had never guessed it had been ol' Snivellus he'd snogged with such enthusiasm, Severus would have known Remus - the rich, nut-brown shade of his hair with eyes to match, the broadness of his shoulders - anywhere after all the hours he'd spent observing Remus at school, which he only did because he wanted to catch Remus doing something against the rules, of course.

The divorce had been amiable enough, or so Severus was given to understand. He didn't know what had happened, and Remus had never spoken of it; he only knew that Tonks had finally taken off her rose-colored glasses and moved on, and she had let Remus have primary custody of Teddy.

"She has a dangerous job with erratic hours," Remus had once explained. "Her life isn't conducive to raising a child alone, and between you and me, she isn't terribly maternal."

"I always took her for the more butch of the two of you," Severus had retorted, earning an eyeroll from Remus.

Rumor had it that Tonks was keeping company with a fellow Auror named Miles Williamson these days, although Severus didn't care enough to investigate more deeply. He didn't much like her, and the less their lives intersected, the better as far as he was concerned.

It was upon learning of the impending divorce that Severus had approached Remus. Nearly dying had given him a new perspective on things, and while he hadn't experienced an epiphany of Scrooge-ish proportions and started giving money to street urchins to buy geese for impoverished families and keeping Christmas in his heart year-round, he _had_ decided it was high time he did something about the lack of companionship in his life. He wasn't looking for a lover; sex was all right, he supposed, but he'd never really understood why people made such a fuss about it when he could achieve quicker and far better results alone than by putting up with someone else grunting and sweating on top of him.

No, what he wanted was platonic companionship from someone whose company was tolerable and with whom he wouldn't mind spending time on a regular basis. Unfortunately, there weren't many people whose company was tolerable. He didn't want to befriend anyone he'd taught at Hogwarts because he already knew what sort of brainless, useless lumps they were, and he didn't want to befriend anyone much older than he was because all they tended to talk about were arthritis salves, who had recently died, and the good old days when quality dried frog pills didn't cost 5 sickles per jar. But almost everyone of his own generation or near it was either dead or in Azkaban, which left him with Remus as his first and pretty much only candidate. As his mother had often said of his father's wages, it wasn't much, but it would have to do.

Thus he'd offered to brew the Wolfsbane Potion each month, and he'd contrived to strike up casual conversations when he delivered it until Remus finally started inviting him to tea and occasionally dinner, likely because Remus had been as starved for decent company as Severus.

"It's lovely to talk to someone who speaks in complete sentences and doesn't require nappy changes," Remus had said once after a particularly trying day with Teddy, with whom Severus got on reasonably well, considering the child had a tendency to ooze vile fluids from various orifices at unexpected moments.

For the last two years, Severus had been quite satisfied with the arrangement, but now Remus had gone and done something stupid, and everything was going to be ruined.

"I mean, Charlie _Weasley_," he said, as if he could turn the word into an insult merely by injecting enough scorn and vitriol into it. "What in Merlin's name do you see in him?"

Remus chuckled, his warm brown eyes alight with amusement. "I expected you to ask what he sees in me."

"Nonsense!" Severus snapped, scowling across the table at him. "It's obvious: you're reasonably attractive and not as stupid as most people."

"Damning with faint praise indeed!" Remus laughed outright then, much to Severus' annoyance. "I'm also a werewolf, and I have a small child to raise. I'm hardly a prime catch."

"You're taking the Wolfsbane Potion," Severus replied, waving one hand dismissively. "Teddy is a tolerable child, and with the proper influence, he may even grow up to be less insufferable than most children." He eyed Remus dubiously. "I don't suppose you're going to tell Weasley you're too old and too poor. The boy wrangles dragons for a living, so the excuse of being dangerous won't work with him."

"Well, he isn't as young as Tonks," Remus pointed out, going back to sipping his tea calmly. "And I'm not poor anymore. Working in the new Werewolf Division Kingsley created pays well enough for me to support myself and Teddy in comfort, and that's all I want. I'm hardly used to extravagance."

Severus grunted and leaned back in his chair, his arms crossed over his chest as he continued scowling at Remus. "You never did answer the question. What _do_ you see in him?"

"Well..." Remus placed his cup back in its saucer and folded his hands on top of the table. "He's handsome, he's clever, and he's good with animals. He likes Teddy, and Teddy likes him."

"That's not the best criteria you could use," Severus replied with a snort. "Teddy likes _me_, after all, which only goes to show how little judgment the child has developed."

"On the contrary, I think he's quite discerning." Remus smiled and reached for a biscuit. "He doesn't much like Mundungus Fletcher, after all."

"I call _that_ damning with faint praise," Severus replied blandly, earning another chuckle from Remus. "Anyway, I don't think Weasley is all that handsome or clever. He was pants in Potions class."

"He has other skills," Remus said, shaking his head at Severus. "And as I said, he's good with animals." This was said with a knowing look, and after the implications sank in, Severus recoiled and grimaced.

"Ugh! Stop right there! I do _not_ want to know," he exclaimed.

"Well, you asked." Remus smiled mildly, but before Severus could rap out a blistering retort, the kitchen door opened, and Tonks burst in, her cheeks as pink as her hair from the cold December air.

She stopped dead when she saw Severus sitting at the table and tightened her arms around Teddy. "Hello, Snape," she said in the same way she might have said 'die in a fire'.

"Good afternoon, Miss Tonks," he replied in the same tone with which he might have said 'rot in Hell'.

"Hello, you two!" Remus ignored the plummeting temperature in the room in favor of standing and moving to greet Tonks and Teddy. It had been one of Tonks' days to keep Teddy, and Severus always wondered how she managed to get through a full day without breaking the poor child. "Did you have a good day?" Remus asked, bending to drop a friendly kiss on Tonks' cheek before reaching to take Teddy, who had stretched out his plump arms toward his father.

"We did, yeah." Tonks smiled and smoothed her hand over Teddy's silky hair, which was purple at the moment. "I took him to the park near my flat, and he wore himself out, but he's had a nap this afternoon."

"If you'll excuse me." Severus rose to his feet, deciding to retreat while there was a convenient break in the childcare litany. For some reason, he didn't mind when Remus nattered about Teddy, but it was annoying when Tonks did it.

"Sev'wus!" Teddy leaned over and held out his arms, opening and closing his fists while Remus held him securely.

Severus heaved a put-upon sigh. He knew what Teddy wanted, but he hated to do it in front of Tonks. There was no help for it, however, unless he wanted to risk upsetting Teddy, and so he skirted around the table and bent over until his head was within Teddy's reach. With a gleeful squeal, Teddy grabbed Severus' nose and made his own nose grow bigger, and then he released Severus' nose and leaned over to plant a wet, smacking kiss on the end of it.

"Pwitty nose," Teddy said, flashing his baby teeth at Severus in a winsome smile, which Severus refused to let melt his cold, withered heart. He had not honed his dark edge for forty years only to be undone by a toddler, damn it!

"We're going to Flourish and Blotts tomorrow morning," Remus said casually. "We could call for you before we go, if you'd like to come along."

"All right," Severus said as he straightened. "I want pick up that new book on alchemy and its connection to potions anyway."

"Oh, are you thinking about studying alchemy?" Remus regarded him with obvious interest. "I've always found it fascinating, if also terribly intimidating. I'm sure you could make sense of it, though."

Severus preened a little at the compliment. "I've had a passing interest in it, yes, and I thought I might do some reading on the subject over the holidays."

"I'd love to hear about it," Remus said, but he broke off abruptly when Tonks cleared her throat and glared at Severus. "Ah, you were just going," he said, bouncing Teddy on his hip. "We'll talk about it tomorrow, shall we?"

Severus had the perverse urge to sit back down and stay longer just to irritate Tonks, but he had left a potion simmering, and he needed to return home to check on it anyway. "Right, right. Tomorrow." He waved tersely and headed out the door, but he didn't Apparate back to his house at Spinner's End as he might have done any other time. Instead, he walked along the streets of the little village Remus now called home, wandering aimlessly while his mind turned over what he'd learned.

He considered Remus to be an intelligent man, but getting romantically involved with Charlie Weasley was the most stupid thing Remus could possibly do. Weasley was all wrong for him, despite being handsome and good with animals. Looks weren't everything, and even if Weasley being completely unsuited for Remus wasn't enough, there was the fact that Remus would end up being assimilated into the Weasley clan; they would suck him in and make him wear ugly sweaters like they tried to do to everyone else. Years of Molly Weasley's badgering was a fate worse than death in Severus' opinion, and as Remus' friend, it was his duty to save Remus from making the second worst mistake of his entire life.

The question was how to go about it. If it was a lover Remus wanted, then it was simply a matter of finding someone else better than Weasley to capture Remus' attention. If necessary, Severus would volunteer himself. He could take one for the team, as it were, if it meant sparing Remus a lifetime of Weasleyness; he simply had to find a way to convince Remus to give up Weasley and choose him instead.

With fresh resolve, he Apparated home, already beginning to plot his strategy for winning Remus Lupin.

* * *

For his first attempt, Severus generously applied a cologne he'd made himself, a special blend meant to appeal to a werewolf's nose. He thought perhaps if he roused the interest of the wolf, he might convince it to stake its claim on him as its mate, and then Remus would have no choice but to dump Weasley, and so he contrived to stand close to Remus in the bookshop and surreptitiously fanned the scent of his musky cologne toward Remus in hopes it would waft under his nose and prompt Remus to shove him against the bookshelf and snog him senseless. Purely for Remus' own good, of course.

Instead, Remus sneezed and fished a handkerchief out of his pocket, using it to cover his nose. "Ugh! It smells like dead animals in here! Do you smell it, Severus?"

Severus edged away from Remus and affected an innocent look. "I smell something a bit like animal musk. Don't you like it?"

"No." Remus grimaced and shook his head. "Musky scents play havoc with my nose, actually."

"Ah." Severus performed a discreet cleaning charm to rid himself of the cologne, annoyed that his plan hadn't worked. "I would have thought scents like that would appeal to the wolf," he said, hoping to fish for more information about what the wolf might like.

"It isn't a monster from the id," Remus said patiently, giving him a look of amused tolerance. "It's me, turned into a beast. There is no wolf per se."

"But surely it's a separate part of your psyche," Severus said weakly, his hope flagging.

"Only in the sense that the curse that fuels the transformation calls on the darker side of my nature." Remus shrugged and turned his attention back to the selection of Transfiguration journals. "Everyone has a dark side. Mine just happens to be dragged to the surface and turned furry once a month."

"Oh." Severus was unaccountably disappointed, but he wasn't ready to give up quite yet. "What about the theory that werewolves are drawn to one specific person? A mate, so to speak."

Remus laughed and shook his head. "A myth, thank Merlin. I'd hate to think of being bound to one person for my entire life. What if my 'mate' didn't even like me? No, there's no truth to any of that. The curse has no say in whom I'm attracted to."

"Damn!"

"What?" Remus glanced at him, startled, and Severus blinked, also startled. Had he said that aloud?

"Damn, they don't have that book I was looking for," he improvised swiftly.

"I thought I saw a stack of them close to the front window," Remus replied, and then he gave Severus an appealing look as he shifted Teddy in his arms. "Would you mind taking Teddy for a few minutes?" he asked. "My arms could use a break."

"If you like." Severus reached out to take Teddy, who went willingly from Remus' arms to Severus' and promptly made a grab for Severus' nose. "I'll just go and find that stack."

"All right." Remus smiled and rubbed Teddy's back briefly before moving away. "I'll be looking at the children's books if you need me. I want to pick up a copy of _Beedle the Bard_ for our bedtime stories. I think Teddy would enjoy fairy tales, and it'll make a nice change from Mother Goose for me."

Severus watched him go with a twinge of dismay, although he wasn't certain whether it was because his first attempt to lure Remus' attention away from Weasley had failed or because he'd never been left entirely alone with Teddy before. But Teddy was burbling happily as he tugged at the buttons of Severus' jacket, and no childcare disasters seemed imminent, thus Severus headed to the front of the shop, bobbing Teddy slightly as he walked along.

He located the book he'd come for near the window as Remus had indicated; shifting Teddy to one hip, he flipped through the Alchemy text with a wordless page-turning charm and looked it over, absorbed enough that he didn't notice anyone approach until he was addressed.

"Hello, Mr. Snape."

He glanced around and found Luna Lovegood watching him somberly, much to his disgruntlement, but before he could rap out a response designed to quell further conversation, she spoke again.

"I didn't know you were heterosexual."

"I'm not!" he snapped, glaring at her. How the hell had she known? He had been more or less asexual for over a decade, and he'd never done anything to make his true preference known; indeed, he assumed most people thought he was straight thanks to Potter spewing that nonsense about him having been madly in love with Lily after the war.

"Really?" Lovegood tilted her head quizzically. "You're holding a child that looks a lot like you."

Severus glanced at Teddy and saw his hair and eyes were far darker, and there was something about his features that did remind Severus of himself, which he found oddly gratifying. "Ah." He turned back to Lovegood, who was waiting patiently. "There's a reason for that. This is Lupin's child. He has his mother's transformative abilities."

"I see." She gave him a reproachful look. "You never said Mr. Lupin is your life partner. You should have told someone. There could have been a party."

"He isn't my life partner!" Severus exclaimed, far more horrified by the idea of a party than he was by the idea of being called Remus' life partner, but he refused to think about why that might be. "We came to shop for books, and he wandered off and left me with Teddy."

"Well, if he ever becomes your life partner, don't forget to throw a party. Love is always worth celebrating."

Before Severus could pick his jaw off the floor and issue a blistering diatribe, however, she disappeared down a nearby aisle, and Severus decided to find Remus and get the hell out of the shop before their outing turned even more surreal. _Love!_, he thought with a silent snort. He was too old and too jaded for such nonsense. The best he hoped for at this point in his life was decent companionship.

A sudden thought occurred to Severus and made him stop in his tracks. Remus didn't seem so disillusioned with the ideas of love and romance. What if he was foolish enough to fall in love with Weasley? Severus might be interfering with his happiness in trying to break them up, and that wasn't fair.

Just then, Teddy wound his arms around Severus' neck and leaned his head on Severus' shoulder; Severus could feel him turning into dead weight in Severus' arms as he relaxed, a gesture of trust and faith in Severus that few people had ever offered him no matter what their age. Severus patted Teddy's back, his resolve growing stronger. Remus couldn't possibly be in love with Weasley, and even if he was, there was more to consider than one man's fleeting emotional state. Severus couldn't allow Teddy to be chewed up and swallowed by that hydra-esque family. The Weasleys had claimed enough innocent victims! Whatever the cost, Severus would pay it gladly to keep Teddy out of their clutches. Even if it meant shagging Remus.

_Sometimes_, he thought with stern determination as he marched off to the children's book section, _a man must make sacrifices for the greater good, and this is clearly one of those times._

* * *

"Your freedom is in jeopardy," Severus announced as he barged into Remus' kitchen, waving a piece of parchment.

Remus looked up from wiping unidentifiable food stuff off Teddy's face, his eyebrows climbing to his hairline. "My freedom?" He stood up straight and turned to face Severus. "What in Merlin's name are you talking about?"

"This," Severus said grimly as he thrust the parchment into Remus' hand, a transcription from a book of law. "I found an old law that could be used against you if we don't take preventative measures."

"Sev'wus!" Teddy bounced in his highchair and beamed at Severus, holding out his arms. Despite the wet globs on Teddy's clothes that were obviously the remains of his lunch, Severus obliged and picked him up anyway; there were cleaning charms for that sort of thing, after all. He occupied himself and Teddy while Remus read the document by taking Teddy to the window and showing him how to spot gnomes.

"Severus, this is a law pertaining to dragons in the wild," Remus said at last in a tone of infinite patience.

Severus turned away from the window and regarded Remus with a haughty tilt of his chin. "There's nothing that says it can't be stretched to apply to werewolves," he retorted. "Particularly if the Anti-Lycanthrope League has its way."

"The League is a small group of extremists," Remus said, folding the parchment neatly and placing it on the table. "Even if they know about this law, they don't have the political power or backing to convince the Ministry to enforce it against non-draconic magical creatures, especially not while Kingsley is in office."

"Fine!" Severus exclaimed, exasperated. "Stick your head in the sand! Don't blame me when they come to drag you off to a werewolf reservation."

Remus stared at him, appearing torn between amusement and disbelief. "Severus, are you seriously suggesting that I should get a _keeper_?"

"It's better to be safe than sorry, isn't it?" Severus retorted. "You have a son to think of."

Amusement seemed to win out, and Remus lifted his fingers to his lips as if to hide a smile. "Yes, that's true. Did you have anyone in mind to serve as a werewolf wrangler?"

"Not Weasley," Severus said quickly, scowling.

"Weezy," Teddy echoed, and Severus shook his head.

"That's a bad word," Severus said, and Teddy gazed somberly at him and nodded.

"Bad weezy."

A garbled noise that sounded like a cough overlaying strangled laughter escaped Remus, and Severus fixed him with a stern glare. "But Severus," Remus said when he seemed to have regained control of himself, "Charlie would be an excellent candidate. The law does specify dragons, and he's a dragon handler. I think the authorities would consider him an ideal choice."

_Damn!_ Severus thought, although he was careful not to say it aloud this time. "No, a dragon handler isn't equipped to deal with this situation," he said. "You need someone who has experience with werewolves, perhaps even someone who can provide the Wolfsbane Potion," he added slyly.

"I see." Remus smiled as he went to put the kettle on. "Well, I'll certainly give the idea all the consideration it deserves."

Severus frowned at Remus' back, unsure whether to take that remark in a positive light or not, but before he could decide, Remus spoke again.

"Would you like some tea? I made lemon-ginger biscuits. You like those, don't you? Or if you haven't eaten lunch yet, I have some leftover roast beef I can use for sandwiches. I was waiting until Teddy had eaten before I prepared anything for myself."

"Tea and a sandwich would be all right, I suppose." Severus returned Teddy to his highchair before taking his usual place at the table, pleased that Remus had remembered lemon-ginger biscuits were his favorite kind. "We can have the biscuits after."

He was disappointed that his second attempt had fared no better than his first, but Remus' lemon-ginger biscuits made up for a great deal, and he watched Remus putter around the small kitchen with a small, satisfied smile. He would think of something else, and in the end, he would convince Remus to give up Weasley. One way or another, he would save Remus, whether Remus realized he needed saving or not.

* * *

"Hello, Snape!"

Severus could do nothing but stand and boggle at the cheerful greeting, which was coupled with the equally boggle-worthy sight of Charlie-bloody-Weasley sitting on the floor of Remus' lounge and playing with Teddy. A swell of anger made Severus clench his fists and press his lips into a hard line in an effort not to order Weasley out. It wasn't his house, and he didn't know where his sudden, intense fury had come from except that today was meant to be _his_ day with Remus, and he didn't want to share it with a Weasley. Especially not _that_ Weasley.

_What if this is how it's going to be from now on?_, he thought, his wrath doused by an icy chill that sent a shudder down his spine. What if Weasley was going to encroach on Severus' time more and more often?

Before Severus could move or speak, however, Remus entered the room and smiled at both men. "Hello, Severus," he said warmly. "I hope you don't mind, but when I mentioned we were going to gather holly, evergreen, and mistletoe for decorating the cottage, Charlie said he'd like to accompany us."

"It's been years since I've done anything like that, not since I was a lad and helped Mum decorate The Burrow," Weasley said, rolling a ball toward Teddy, who squealed with glee, so occupied with their game that he hadn't even greeted Severus yet.

"It'll be a lot of walking around," Severus said, trying to keep a sulky edge out of his voice. "The greenery was Remus' idea. _I_ am going to gather potions ingredients."

At the sound of Severus' voice, Teddy looked up and scrambled awkwardly to his feet, beaming widely as he toddled over to Severus. "Sev'wus! Up!" Teddy stretched out his arms as he made his demand to be picked up, which gave Severus some small amount of satisfaction as he bent to scoop up the boy.

"That's fine," Weasley replied easily. "I'm used to it. The reserve isn't a small place, you know, and it takes a fair bit of strength and endurance to work with dragons. A little stroll in the woods won't be a problem."

_Of course not_, Severus sneered silently. No doubt young Weasley was strong and fit and rippling with muscles while Severus was... not. _Bastard_, he thought viciously. Aloud, however, he only said, "It's up to Remus."

Remus and Weasley exchanged a look he couldn't read, and then Remus moved to stand beside Weasley and rested his hand on Weasley's shoulder. "I'd like him to go with us." He glanced down at Weasley with what appeared to Severus to be unwarranted warmth. "Besides, I could use an extra pair of hands."

"Planning to go all out on the decorating this year?" Charlie asked, reaching up to cover Remus' hand with his own, and Severus fought down a sudden wave of nausea.

"I am." Remus' smile turned positively soppy, and Severus felt in dire need of some ginger-root. "I feel I have good reason to be especially merry this holiday season."

Severus glared at them both and ground his teeth; he was tempted to tell Remus he could damned well go with Weasley alone if he'd prefer and to storm out, but Severus knew that would be a mistake. For one thing, it would give Weasley the advantage of having a private outing with Remus, and while Severus was annoyed that his own private outing was being spoiled, he wasn't going to give it up entirely in favor of Weasley. Clearly his more subtle attempts were bouncing off Remus' thick Gryffindor skull, thus it was time to be more blatant and aggressive in his tactics.

What that meant, he had no idea, but he had an entire afternoon of walking and herb gathering with the presence of Weasley providing added incentive to figure it out.

* * *

Six hours later, Severus was immersed up to his chin in steaming hot water liberally dowsed with Epsom salts and silently damning Charlie-bloody-Weasley to hell. His feet and calves ached from exertion, and his knees had passed 'sore' about three hours ago and gone straight to 'mutiny'. It was Weasley's fault. If he hadn't been so sodding young, energetic, and athletic, Severus might not have been compelled to keep up with him as they tromped through the woods. It was also Remus' fault for not being interested in someone older and more sedentary.

There was also the matter of the kiss he'd witnessed, the memory of which was burned in his mind and insisted on replaying in an endless loop. He hadn't _meant_ to witness it, and really, he'd rather not have seen it at all; the only good thing about the situation was that he was certain Remus and Weasley didn't know he'd witnessed it.

It happened when he'd finished harvesting a small patch of ragveil; he had waved the two of them on because he needed to take special care not to damage the roots, and he didn't want to work while someone stood over him and waited for him to hurry up and finish. He'd taken his time and then caught up with Remus and Weasley - and had found them snogging under a mistletoe-laden tree.

Remus had pushed Weasley back against the thick trunk of the tree and was kissing him with what appeared to be leisurely thoroughness; even from a safe distance, Severus could see flashes of someone's tongue, and he could hear their heavy breathing punctuated by soft moans. Weasley had slid his hands down Remus' back, squeezed his arse, and urged him closer, and Remus had gone willingly, leaning against Weasley as the kiss went on and on.

Severus hadn't stayed to see what happened next; instead, he'd turned and gone back the way he'd came and approached them again, this time with a great deal of stomping, throat-clearing, and stick-breaking along the way. By the time he reached them, they were standing at a safe distance apart, their cheeks flushed, and their lips wet and rosy, and Severus had wanted to hex them both and go home. But he'd suffered Weasley's company for another two hours before calling an end to the excursion. Remus had invited him back to the cottage to warm up with some hot cocoa after they picked up Teddy from Andromeda, but Severus couldn't tolerate Weasley's presence for another second, thus he'd refused and departed without another word.

But even now that he was away from them, he couldn't stop thinking about that kiss. What did it bode for his chances of sabotaging the romance? He hadn't expected them to be _kissing_ already. Then again, he mused, it had seemed like a rather tame kiss. Oh, there had been tongues involved, but as an objective observer, he could tell Remus hadn't been caught up in hot, stormy passion. Remus had been in total control of that kiss, and he had remained as calm as he always was.

Weasley couldn't stir Remus' passion, Severus thought with glee. There might be attraction between them, but Weasley wasn't the one who could strip away Remus' masks and make him lose control. Granted, Severus had no idea whether _he_ could do that or not either, but at least he knew all hope was not lost.

Besides, he was confident things would be different when _he_ kissed Remus. When that happened at last, it would be neither leisurely nor controlled. No, Remus would be swept up in a fiery passion unlike anything he'd ever known before, and he would ravish Severus' mouth, plundering it with his tongue until Severus was overwhelmed by his taste and scent. He would smell like the rich, deep woods, and he would taste like tea, and his skin would be warm and smooth beneath Severus' hands, and only Severus would make him quiver and writhe and lose all control.

Severus let his hand stray downward as his cock stirred, and he stroked it from half-hard to fully erect as he thought about Remus kissing him and imagined Remus' fingers were wrapped around his cock instead of his own. Letting his head fall back against the curved rim of his claw-footed tub, he closed his eyes and gave himself over to the fantasy, a flush that had nothing to do with the heat of the water rising up his neck and into his face as he fisted his cock harder.

_"You want me, don't you, Severus?" Remus asked, teasing him with rhythmic strokes that brought him to the brink of release without letting him fall._

"Yes," he moaned, the sound echoing off the walls of the small room.

_"You know how I want you. Flat on your back and your legs spread like the eager little slut you are," Remus growled. "I'm going to fuck you through the mattress."_

"Merlin, yes..." Severus hissed as he conjured a dollop of slick gel and coated his fingers with it, bracing his feet and lifting his hips so he could push two fingers inside himself, breaching the tight pucker of his arse easily. His fingers brushed against his prostate as he fucked himself-

_Remus pounded into him, hard and fast, and he could see the wolf rising in Remus' eyes, fueling the rough fucking._

-the intense pleasure of it making him bite his lip to keep from crying out even though there was no one but him to hear it if he did. He could feel his body growing tense, everything within him winding tighter and tighter - until at last the tension snapped, and his hips surged out of the water as he came.

_Remus shuddered and howled, burying himself deep one last time as if reluctant to separate from Severus, and he pulled out slowly. "You were brilliant, Severus," he murmured._

Water sloshed over the side of the tub as he sank down again, and he took a moment to catch his breath before summoning his wand and banishing the water; he drew himself a fresh hot bath and added more Epsom salts, relaxing with a gusty sigh of contentment.

_Soon_, he thought, a small, secretive smile curving his lips. He had devised a plan, and it wouldn't be long before he had the satisfaction of seeing Weasley pushed aside once and for all.

* * *

"Oh, Severus, I'm so sorry." Remus' eyes were filled with sympathy and concern as he gazed across the table at Severus, who curled his fingers around his tea cup and attempted to look appropriately shaken, which wasn't all that difficult; all he had to do was remember seeing that damned snake lunging at his throat. Two years hadn't been enough to quell that trauma, and his pale face and trembling hands had been enough to convince Remus that he was unnerved.

"I'm not surprised. I always assumed it would happen at some point," Severus replied, hoping he sounded brave and stoic enough to make Remus fuss over him a little.

"At least you weren't home when they struck." Remus reached out and patted his arm briefly. "It might have been much worse if you had been."

"No doubt," Severus replied grimly.

He lifted his cup and took a sip of tea, quite pleased with how his little ruse was working out so far. He had been careful not to destroy anything of real worth - i.e. his books and brewing equipment - in the 'attack', which by all appearances had been carried out by a former Death Eater seeking retaliation against a traitor. Technically, it _had_ been carried out by a former Death Eater, which meant he'd known what to do well enough to fool a couple of Aurors who'd come to investigate, but the only thing Severus was seeking was a valid excuse to get out of his house for a while.

"I know just what we need to do," Remus said with a decisive nod, and Severus perked up, hoping for an invitation to stay with Remus while his house was being cleaned and repaired. "We need to find you a place to stay."

Severus deflated a little, but he managed to rally enough to give Remus a plaintive look. "Who would take me in? It isn't as if I have lots of friends to call on. You're the only one, really, except Minerva, and I certainly can't stay at Hogwarts." He sighed quietly. "I suppose I'll have to take a room at the Leaky Cauldron. It isn't the most cheerful place to spend the holidays," he added, twisting the knife a little, "but I have never made particularly merry anyway."

"The pub?" Remus shook his head. "No, that won't do." He worried at his bottom lip for a moment, and when he spoke again, he sounded more hesitant. "You could always stay here. I have a guest bedroom. It's small, but it would be better than one of those dingy rooms at the pub."

"Wouldn't your boyfriend have something to say about that?" Severus asked, raising one eyebrow and giving Remus a haughty stare, but Remus smiled and shook his head again.

"Charlie doesn't mind our friendship, and I imagine he would be quite understanding under the circumstances," Remus said. "You've suffered enough of a loss without being forced to spend Christmas alone in a rented room as well."

"Well..." Severus pretended to mull over the idea for a minute or two. "If you're certain," he said at last, inwardly gleeful and already hatching schemes to interrupt every private moment when Weasley came around. "I wouldn't want to impose."

"It's no trouble, really," Remus assured him. "Unless you're a complete slob, I imagine we can rub along well enough for a couple of weeks."

_Or a month or so_, Severus thought. He was sure he could find ways to stall the repairs and give himself more time to sabotage Remus' budding romance before it could burst into full bloom.

"I'm not at all slovenly," was all he said aloud. "I can cook well, too."

"In that case, Teddy and I might not let you move out again," Remus said lightly as he picked up the teapot to refresh Severus' cup.

Severus snorted in the most derisive manner possible and muttered something about preferring his solitude, but it was purely for form's sake; Remus might be joking, but Severus was taking the matter quite seriously, and he didn't intend to let himself be ousted quickly or easily.

He also didn't waste any time in getting settled in his new home. While Remus prepared the guest bedroom, Severus went home to pack a small suitcase with a few essentials - a few clothes, toiletries, the thirty or so books he couldn't possibly live without - and returned promptly, and he turned the spartan room into his temporary domain with ease.

In the days that followed, he found himself falling into a pleasant routine at the cottage during his non-working hours that including some cooking, some tidying up, and some helping with Teddy. In-between making himself useful, he contrived to capture Remus' attention in various ways, ranging from subtle brushes of their arms in passing to the more blatant tactic of walking around clad only in a towel.

"Aren't you chilly?" Remus asked, glancing at him with concern rather than overwhelming lust. "You should get dressed before you catch a cold."

Severus growled and stomped back to his bedroom to dress, annoyed anew at Remus' obliviousness. He'd always known Gryffindors were a thick headed lot, but until now, he'd never known the true extent of it!

But failed seductions aside, Severus was content. If pressed, he might have even gone so far as to say he was happy. There was an odd sort of pleasure to be found in sharing household duties with another person, in chopping vegetables while Remus prepared the meat, in tucking Teddy in while Remus read a bedtime story, in all the commonplace little domestic duties that were tedious for one person but no trouble at all for two.

He'd known he liked Remus, but liking someone while living apart was easy. Liking someone while sharing a home with them was another matter entirely, and yet, Severus found living with Remus and Teddy wasn't nearly as difficult as he expected it to be. He found pleasure in sharing a glass of wine or brandy with Remus after dinner, or sitting quietly and reading together, or playing cards or chess. More often than not, however, they talked, one subject flowing into the next with companionable ease until suddenly it was midnight, but Severus wasn't sleepy, and he didn't want to end their conversation about alchemy or magical creatures or whatever it was they were talking about.

He didn't want his friendship with Remus changed or taken away; he didn't want to give up his time or his place in Remus' life to Weasley, and his growing desire to cement his position fueled his determination to oust Weasley from the picture altogether. When his more subtle efforts met continued obliviousness, he decided drastic measures were called for.

"I am pregnant!" he announced as he swept into the lounge and struck a dramatic pose.

Remus dropped his book and gaped up at Severus. "_What_?"

"I said I'm pregnant," Severus repeated, irritation lacing his voice. "I have a bun in the oven. I'm up the duff. I-"

"I know what 'pregnant' means," Remus interrupted, rising to his feet and approaching Severus slowly, his brows drawing together in a puzzled frown. "What I don't understand is how."

"It's quite simple, really." Severus drew himself up with regal hauteur. "It appears I was physically altered in an unexpected way by a hex I took during the war."

Remus blinked, and shock gave way to amusement in his features. "I see. I wasn't aware you were intimate with anyone."

"Of course you wouldn't remember," Severus replied with a disdainful sniff.

"_I_ wouldn't remember?" Remus was gaping at him again, much to his satisfaction.

"Not after I Obliviated you," Severus explained. "I didn't want you to remember our little... interlude, but now that we have a child on the way, I thought you should know. You have a responsibility to uphold." He peered down his nose at Remus. "What are you going to do about it? I assume you'll want to make an honest man of me."

Remus stared at him, his jaw working but no sound came out, and as Severus watched, he could see the amused tolerance drain away, replaced by something that looked far less amused and tolerant. It looked angry, as a matter of fact, and perhaps a little dangerous as well. Severus had wanted to see the wolf in Remus' eyes while Remus stalked toward him, but not when Severus didn't know if Remus intended to pounce on him in the _good_ way.

"Bollocks," Remus growled - _really growled_, Severus thought with a delicious shiver - and grabbed Severus' shoulders to give him a little shake. "Do you think so little of my intelligence that you believe I would fall for such a blatant ruse? You are not pregnant, Severus, and we did not have sex, so why don't you try telling me the truth for once? You've been playing games for weeks, and I've grown tired of it. Tell me what you want, and no prevaricating this time."

Too shocked to come up with a quick verbal dodge, Severus blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "I want you to stop seeing Weasley."

The anger in Remus' eyes faded, and he gave Severus a bland look. "I figured out that much on my own," he said dryly. "What I want to know is _why_."

"Because he isn't right for you," Severus said, scowling at Remus, although he didn't try to wrench free of Remus' grasp. Remus was touching him at last, and he wasn't completely stupid.

"So you've said." Remus slid his hands down to Severus' upper arms, gripping them tightly enough that Severus thought he might have bruises later. "That still doesn't tell me anything. Why do you care so much about my love life?" He stared at Severus, his expression implacable, and Severus swallowed hard as he groped for a way to get himself out of this mess safely. "As my friend, your responsibilities ended once you expressed your opinion of his suitability, but you've gone far above and beyond what a mere friend would do in trying to come between me and Charlie, so I ask again: what do you really want, Severus?"

An answer hovered on Severus' lips, wanting to burst forth, but he held it back, knowing it was dangerous to speak the words aloud. His plans had hinged on Remus being overcome with desire for him and carrying him off to bed, a scenario in which Severus could play coy even as he allowed himself to be carried off. Plausible deniability was essential, but Remus wasn't behaving according to plan, forcing Severus to make confessions he wasn't certain he was ready to make, even to himself.

But if he didn't, what then? Remus would probably send him packing, and all hopes of ousting Weasley - and of winning Remus for himself - would be lost. The mere thought made him feel cold and sick, and before he could stop himself, he spoke.

"You," he whispered, lowering his gaze so he couldn't see horror or pity in Remus' eyes. "I want you."

There was a silence between them that seemed to stretch out to infinity, and Severus tried to tug his arms free, his face stinging with heat, but Remus tightened his grip and refused to let go.

"That's what I've been waiting to hear," Remus murmured, and suddenly Severus found himself being herded until his back hit the wall, and then Remus' lips were on his, Remus' tongue demanding entrance, and Severus moaned, his knees turning to water as he parted his lips to accept Remus' seeking tongue and sucked it eagerly.

Only when Severus was light-headed and gasping for breath did Remus draw back, pausing long enough to unfasten the buttons of Severus' collar before trailing open-mouthed kisses along the length of Severus' throat. Severus let his head fall back, gasps turning into moans when Remus fastened his teeth just beneath Severus' ear, biting and sucking hard enough to leave a mark without breaking the skin.

Severus barely had time to recover from the exquisite pleasure of the bite before Remus was all but ripping off the buttons of Severus' robes in an effort to reach his bare chest, and Severus' breath stuttered when he felt Remus tormenting his nipples with pinches and tugs. He'd wanted to unleash Remus' passion, and now that he had, he found himself caught up in a maelstrom, and he could do nothing but clutch Remus' shoulders and hope he could withstand the onslaught without making a complete idiot of himself.

It was difficult to maintain his dignity, however, when Remus seemed determined to reduce him to mindless gibbering; no one else had ever teased his nipples with their tongue or clamped their teeth on the hardened nubs, and Severus arched his back and moaned a litany of "yes" liberally peppered with profanity as Remus kissed, licked, and bit his way down Severus' torso.

"Right here." Remus' breath was hot and moist against Severus' skin. "Right now."

"Yes..." Severus didn't care if Remus fucked him in the middle of Diagon Alley at that point; all he knew was that he might bloody well go mad if he didn't have Remus' cock inside him within a matter of seconds. "Yes, _now_..."

A low, throaty chuckle was the only warning he got before he found himself bent over the arm of the sofa, his robes hitched up to his waist and his underpants around his ankles. He felt Remus circle the tight pucker of his arse with one lube-slick finger, and he caught his breath and released it on a groan as Remus eased his finger inside and stroked Severus' prostate, turning his blood into a raging fire that melted his bones.

Two fingers had Severus whimpering and clawing at the cushions, and he rocked his hips mindlessly, seeking relief for the tension building within him in any way he could find it. He felt Remus' cock pressed against his entrance, and he pushed out, wanting to ease the way as Remus pushed in, burying himself until Severus felt full and stretched and tight, and it was good, so very good. Remus began to move, fucking Severus with slow thoroughness, in and out, thrust and hold, on and on, and Severus moaned as he rocked back, trying to send Remus ever deeper.

And then the tempo changed, quickening, and Severus discovered there was no sound more arousing than the rhythmic slap of Remus' hips against his arse; his cock ached and leaked, and he cried out when Remus finally touched him, wrapping warm fingers around his cock and stroking, and it was no time before Severus was coming hard, his vision fading around the edges with the intensity of his release.

Panting, he slumped over the sofa-arm, his pliant body rocking as Remus pounded into him harder, his fingers digging into Severus' hips, and then Remus shouted his pleasure as he thrust deep and came, riding Severus through the aftershocks. Severus whimpered a soft protest when Remus eased his softening cock out of Severus at last, but he felt far too drained to move. Sex had never been like that for him before, and he knew he would never consider solitary wanking better than sex again. Or at least, not better than sex with Remus.

He felt a cleaning charm ripple over his skin, and then Remus helped him stand up and straighten his clothes, and when he dared to peek at Remus' face at last, he found Remus watching him with something that looked a great deal like fond affection.

"See what happens when you simply tell me what you want?" Remus asked, a teasing note in his voice as he wrapped his arms around Severus' waist. "We could have been doing this weeks ago."

"But..." Severus frowned, puzzled, and shook his head. "What about Weasley?"

"Weasley who?" Remus blinked innocently at him, and Severus peered at him with eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Weasley, the young man you've been sniffing around of late," he said in a dire tone which didn't seem to faze Remus in the least.

"Oh, him." Remus smiled and leaned close to press a lingering kiss to Severus' lips. "You needn't worry about him."

His frown deepening, Severus grabbed Remus' shoulders and pushed him back enough that he could study Remus' face intently. "What do you mean, I needn't worry about him? I thought you were falling in love with him!"

"That's what you were meant to think," Remus replied mildly, not looking even a little repentant. "I thought when you finally let go of the past and began spending time with me, we might actually be able to act on our mutual attraction for the first time since the Blacks' Christmas party. I'm not opposed to a slow courtship, but two years isn't slow. It's bloody glacial! I wanted to move things along a little quicker so we wouldn't be at risk of breaking a hip by the time we got around to shagging."

Severus was having a hard enough time processing everything else without learning Remus had known it was him at the party all along, and so he put that aside to chew over later in favor of focusing on the more immediate issue. "So you and Weasley..."

"Charlie is a lovely young man and a very obliging friend, but there is nothing even vaguely romantic between us," Remus said, tightening his arms around Severus and pressing close again. "I suspected you might be open to the idea of being more than friends, but I wasn't certain, and you did seem happy with the way things were between us. I decided to test the waters, and Charlie agreed to help me."

"You bastard!" It was Severus' turn to shake Remus, torn as he was between relief and annoyance at having been tricked. "You let me make a fool of myself!"

"To be fair, I wasn't certain whether you were acting out of jealousy or not," Remus pointed out. "It wasn't until you announced you were pregnant that I decided it _must_ be jealousy." He laughed and shook his head. "Really, Severus. Pregnant?"

"Well, you were being stupid," Severus replied, a sulky edge to his voice. "I kept trying to get your attention away from Weasley and on me, but you were oblivious."

"I was uncertain," Remus corrected him gently, kissing him again to ease the sting to his pride. "I didn't fancy being rejected any more than you did, especially since you can be quite scathing when you want to be. I'd rather not have my ego flayed to shreds, if I can avoid it."

"Hmph." Severus slid his arms around Remus' shoulders, feeling as if a weight had been lifted from his heart now that he knew Weasley had never stood a chance, that it was _him_ Remus had truly wanted all along. Before he could say anything more, however, a commotion in the nursery let them both know that Teddy's nap time - and their private time - was over for the moment. "I suppose we should attend to the little prince."

"We should, yes." Remus smiled and slid his hand along Severus' arm to twine their fingers. "By the way, I've been invited to spend Christmas Eve at The Burrow tomorrow." He glanced archly at Severus, one eyebrow raised. "I don't suppose I need to ask what your answer is."

"_No_," Severus replied emphatically. "No Weasleys. I didn't make a fool of myself to keep you and Teddy from being assimilated only to hand you over willingly."

"Assimilated?" Remus' laughter echoed off the walls of the narrow corridors as they made their way to the nursery. "I'll send my regrets, then, and we'll stay here and have a family Christmas, just the three of us." He glanced at Severus questioningly. "If that's what you would prefer?"

There would be no mountains of food, boisterous people talking too loudly, or ghastly sweaters. The worst he would have to endure would be listening to Celestina Warbeck on the wireless, but he considered that an acceptable price to pay for a quiet, Weasley-less Christmas.

A _family_ Christmas. Severus had never thought to apply the term to himself since he left childhood and its illusions behind, but it was what he had now if he wanted it - and he did want it. "Yes," he said without hesitation. "That is what I would prefer."

"Good." Remus stopped just short of the nursery and cupped Severus' cheek in the palm of his free hand, smiling warmly. "Happy Christmas, Severus, and welcome home."

"Bah, humbug," Severus murmured even as he leaned close and kissed Remus simply because he _could_. He supposed he ought to be furious to learn he'd been tricked, but considering he'd got what he wanted, he couldn't bring himself to care how it happened.

He knew he wouldn't have his Lupins all to himself for the holidays; likely Tonks and her mother would want to see Teddy, and Potter might stop by, but he could tolerate that. He might even be able to stand a Weasley or two if it was absolutely necessary because this was his home now. He'd set out to save Remus from what he considered to be a fate worse than death, but perhaps Remus had saved him too.

No matter how he looked at it, however, his ruse _and_ Remus' - the ultimate Gryffindor gambit - had paid off far beyond his wildest dreams.


End file.
